Here in this moment

Here in this moment, I see that I am free
Here in this moment, I see who I want to be
Here in this moment, all is glorious and wild
Like the beating of my heart, this moment happens just for me
Blades of grass sway gently in the breeze, like the dancing of my soul
There is a subtle flow to life, if only we could see;
The spirit of the forest is the spirit of you and me
Why then am I here, life coursing through my veins?
To witness the unfolding of this magical wonderland?
Or to dance with life; to hold its hand and make it once more my friend?
These words pour forth from somewhere
Somewhere yet unseen
This place and I are connected
Like the swaying of the trees

You are worthy of love

You are more than worthy of love, my dear.

Of this you can be certain

It’s time to allow the light to seep through

To those dark spaces you have been residing in

The dark prisons of your mind are of your own making, my love.

And the world is waiting for you to set yourself free

You cannot complete the journey alone

But your friends and family wish for you to receive their loving embrace

And to witness their affection seep through to your very bones

You have believed yourself to be unworthy for so long

And so the journey home to the truth may take longer than you desire

The pain you experience may sometimes seem unbearable

Please keep walking onward, one tiny step at a time.

And with each new day, awaken to the knowledge that you are lovable.

The sun and stars shine for you, my dear one.

And the beauty you see in the world is a reflection of your own majesty

Be one with the universe

Surrender your fears to the darkness

Leave them there, and take my hand.

Walking gently into the light

Why I love you

Hello my darling. I just wanted to stop by and take the time to let you know why I love you so. You see, you mean so very much to me. There’s no one else like you – you’re one of a kind! When the universe created you, it made something wonderful. You have so much to offer, just by being uniquely you, and letting it all hang out (metaphorically speaking, of course!). Your ideas may not be completely original all of the time, but your way of expressing them… Well, my love, that is all you. You light up the room just by being your true self, and when you don’t feel like shining your light, your presence is still wonderful to behold. I see that you are not perfect. None of us are! And who wants to be perfect anyway? I don’t love you for the things that you get right. I love you because you are you. And you – YOU – are amazing to me. Please continue to be yourself in every possible way, and know how very much you are appreciated, each and every day. Tonight, rest peacefully in the embrace of my love.

Loving me, loving you

Loving me is the greatest gift I could ever give to myself. Without self-love, the world will always look bleak and unfriendly. Without self-love, the love of others will never be enough, and my heart will continue to scream out for more. Without self-love, I will not experience the fullness of my being, and feel what it is to be fully alive and at home in the world.

How is it, I wonder, that human beings struggle so very much with self-love? Is it limited to the Western world? I suspect not, although our focus on image and financial success surely can’t be much of a help when it comes to feeling good about ourselves. Self-love is so fundamental to our happiness, and yet there are very few signposts or tools to help us navigate this important life skill. Except of course for our emotional guidance, which is always pointing our way home to our own hearts. But by the time we realise the importance of this emotional guidance system (which is like a sort of internal sat-nav for the soul), we have often strayed far from where we want to be.

We wait and wait for someone else to come along and love us in the way that we wish, and deserve, to be loved, until one day we realise that the love we crave can only come from one person – us.

I want my own love and acceptance more than anything else in the world.

I want the best relationship I have to be that with myself.

And this means loving everything, not just the bits that look acceptable or worthy to others. If we leave any parts of ourselves behind, they will follow us around, feeling lost and alone, until we have the courage to look them in the eyes and say: “I love you”.

I love you me. I love you me. I love you me. Thank you for being here, me, and for coming with me on this journey of self-love and acceptance. I love you. (If you’d like more guidance and encouragement with the journey of self-love, consider reading Tara Love Perry’s book ‘I love you me’. Tara also has a website and a YouTube channel, if you wish to learn more about her work).

One of the hardest things for me to get my head around on the journey of self-love is the idea of what love really is, and whether there is enough of it in the world to go around! I know this sounds strange, but I think all too often we believe that love is ‘out there’ somewhere, in the hands of others who can choose whether or not to give us what we want and need. But of course, love is something we all experience. Love isn’t an intellectual concept – it is a feeling, and something that lives inside all of us. That rush of love we get when we stroke our pets, hold hands with a loved one, or look into the eyes of someone dear to us, is ours. The experience of love is something that exists inside of our own hearts, and there is no limit to how much of it we can feel, if only we allow ourselves. A good question to ask is: what barriers do I have to experiencing love in my life? Or – what beliefs am I holding onto which prevent me from fully opening my heart?

Something else to consider, if you are spiritually inclined, is that we are in fact all deeply loved and cherished, always. Furthermore, we are all one with this source of love. To me this just makes good sense, since we cannot surely feel loving towards ourselves if we believe ourselves to be separate from the very source of love we wish to experience. Make sense?

Self-love isn’t easy for those of us who aren’t accustomed to it, or simply don’t know how. In which case, a good place to start is to love the part of you that doesn’t know how! Start wherever you are, not where you wish to be. (For more on loving whatever arises, see the many wonderful videos spiritual speaker and writer Matt Kahn has posted on his YouTube channel).

Go forth and love your ‘me’.

Much love,

Kath Xxx

The monster and I

I should be perfect

Life should be perfect

There is a right and a wrong

No shades of grey…

And yet, there is a quiet perfection in everything.

The unfolding of life has a divine purpose behind it

Even I, who have worried and tried for so long, am perfect in my imperfections.

I am not unworthy

My unworthiness is an entity separate to me…

Like a monster that rises from the deep

But I need not fear the monster, for it only needs love and understanding.

And all at once, the monster and I become one.

Let go and write from a place of flow

I’m not too sure why I keep finding myself writing about writing, but if writing about writing is what wants to be written, then who am I to not write it?

OK, I probably lost the interest of a few people with that opening sentence! But the point I’d like to make in this blog post, which is forming before my eyes, right now, in this very moment… is that it’s so liberating to write without knowing where it will take you, or necessarily understanding how it will all come together, until – hey presto! It comes together without you having even seen it coming.

Quite a few years ago now, a writer I follow on Twitter (sorry, no idea who it was after all this time) explained that the most important thing is to sit down every day and just write. I remember thinking it was a really good idea, but knew somewhere in the back of my mind that it was unlikely to happen. I needed a plan! I’m an organiser, aren’t I? I need targets and goals and bullet points to tick off. Well, as it turns out, I think I’m more a free spirit in most aspects of life than I ever realised, and writing is no exception. If I think too long and hard about what to write, and how to write it, I dry up altogether and fail to even open my laptop. Or I’ll begin writing a post, but inspiration dries up before its had a chance to blossom and develop into anything worthwhile.

I suppose the beauty of writing free form is that it’s less of a task and more of a meditation. Writing is like life in some ways – forever unfolding in a series of ‘now’ moments. As human beings, we are experiencing a physical reality whilst being (and hopefully feeling) connected with the world around us. Life is breathing us, and we are very much a part of this life we see unfolding before our eyes. It’s a collaborative process between us and the bigger picture of the universe. Well, that’s what I believe anyway. I probably lost a few readers by the wayside there as well…!

Writing is the same. Where does the inspiration to write come from? How are our ideas and sentences forming, and what is that strange and sometimes illusive thing we call creative flow? I often find myself writing words I don’t feel fully belong to me, but for whatever reason have chosen me as their outlet. Perhaps this is why I find it hard to write with any kind of plan in mind. It’s impossible for the universe to collaborate with me if I’ve already begun trying to control the writing process, before even opening up a blank blog post.

If you’re interested in this idea of creative flow, and of inspiration choosing us as an outlet for its ideas, I highly recommend you read ‘Big Magic’ by Elizabeth Gilbert. It’s a must read for anyone who wants to live life more creatively and less stifled by fear. I’m aware I’ve mentioned this book a couple of times before, so I’d like to take the opportunity to reassure you that I’m not on commission! It’s just a really good book.

The most important thing here is that we all find what it is that gets us writing. For me, it’s a free spirit and a mind open to the possibility of writing about whatever it is that seems to want to be written. If you’re very attached to your bullet points and they work well for you, then why abandon your system? It is your system after all.

My organised, worried self is telling me that this blog post is too short. But my inspiration has dried up, so I’m not going to bore you by padding it out… It is what it is people!

Much love to you all, my fellow human beings.

Kath Xxx

Write for light

Write your way through the darkness, until a light begins to appear at the end, and you can feel that rush of returning home to yourself.

Write for your life, through the darkest moments, knowing that your words are read and received, and that it is always safe to acknowledge yourself and what you are feeling.

Write from a place of connection, or if you feel disconnected, write until the glimmer of connection begins to shine through.

Write until you are exhausted, or jot down a few choice words. Either way, you are a writer my dear.

Paint your nails and put your hoop earrings in, if it helps you to feel like the boss that you are, and to get the words you long to write down on paper.

Write in your pjs with greasy hair and a belly so full of tea you just know you’re going to need to make 100 more trips to the loo before the day is done.

Whatever it is that gets you in front of your computer or notepad, just do it.

Express yourself, and write your truth at every turn.

Don’t wait for anyone else’s invitation to begin writing your story, or sharing your ideas. Life is an open invitation to self expression, and the more of us who dare to show up and write from a place of authenticity, the better. The more we step into our own truth, the easier we make it for others to do the same.

Hey you – yes you, reading this!!! What is it that you long to write? Regardless of what you think your ‘audience’ may want to hear, or may bring the most hits to your blog. What issues are burning inside of you, just waiting for you to give them some air?

I don’t know why I’m writing this. I didn’t even realise I was going to write a blog post until I opened up my laptop and found myself tapping away. Maybe it’s a load of sh*t, or maybe it contains a nugget of wisdom that someone reading this will benefit from, in some small way.

Point is, I turned up, I wrote what seemed to want to be written, and I’d rather do that than wait for the perfect idea for a blog post to emerge. I’m not a creative genius (or at least I don’t think I am!). I’m just a woman who seems to want to write, and is fortunate that occasionally what I’ve written means something to someone else.

Who’s permission are we waiting for, anyway, when we’re pondering our worth as a writer? What human being was born into this world with credentials so great, and a talent for writing so enormous, that they can determine whether or not we are allowed to enter the fold and take to the keyboard? I’ll tell you who – no one!

So write! Write for freedom, write for joy, or write to get something off your chest. You are a part of this world, and this world needs you to show up as your true self. Writing is one way that you can do this.

Peace!

Kath Xxx

Learning to trust what arises

Let’s be honest, if we had the choice, we’d all want to be happy most, if not all of the time; we’re only human after all. In reality, life is a little trickier than that.

The trouble with feeling low, sad or anxious is that they don’t feel like very friendly emotions! They feel, if anything, like some form of punishment for something we’ve done wrong. We judge the emotion, and we judge ourselves for feeling it, which in turn only makes us feel worse.

I’ve read before about diving into every moment in life, trusting that it is our friend and not our foe. Spiritual writers seem particularly keen for us to ‘trust what arises’, no matter how bad we may feel at times. If I happen to be in a difficult place when I come across these messages, my reaction is usually not a positive one!! “If only they knew how bad I feel and how hard I’ve been trying to stop feeling this way, they wouldn’t be encouraging me to dive in deep and accept what is!”

My go-to response to feeling a difficult emotion is often to look for the escape button, in whatever form that may take. Now please don’t misunderstand me here – I’m not in the least suggesting that you stop yourself from looking for support, guidance or comfort in your moments of darkness. I don’t know about you, but I’m becoming increasingly aware of the fact that I’m not in this life alone, and whereas I absolutely must take responsibility for my own emotions, that does not mean that I have to do it alone. In fact, seeking support and guidance isn’t hitting the escape button – it’s a way of making what you’re feeling manageable and ensuring that you feel heard, understand and held. This is ALL GOOD and extremely important. Hitting the escape button, on the other hand, may include something that will temporarily numb the pain, but in the process prevent you from really experiencing what it is that is wanting to be seen. Think along the lines of a glass or two of wine, asking for reassurance instead of trusting that you can handle whatever life throws your way, or reaching out to someone you know gives you that rush of acceptance and approval, when what you really need is to accept and approve of yourself.

As I write this, I’m aware of how very hard it is to dive into the negative emotions that arise, and how much I still find myself wanting to fast-track my way to the good side of life. In fact, I’m writing this as an important reminder to myself, because it takes courage to sit with the ‘bad’ and trust that the ‘good’ will return. This stuff is hard guys! Like, super hard and gritty and painful and messy… It sucks, and I know it sucks, so please don’t think that I’m of the impression that any of this is easy.

It seems to me that there are a few key things to remember when it comes to navigating the darker side of life, and most of them have to do with trust… So get ready to learn how to trust, let go and allow life to unfold. It may seem scary, but it’s actually extremely empowering, and will help you to feel more connected with yourself and your fellow human beings. (Remember: no matter how alone you may feel, we are all in this together, and you are connected with every other living thing on the planet. The less ‘true’ this feels, the more you have to trust that it is).

  • Your life is not meaningless and random – it is VERY meaningful and everything is always exactly as it should be.
  • In every moment there are opportunities to trust more, let go of the need to control, and allow things to just ‘be’, knowing that life is always cheering you on and encouraging you to reach for joy.
  • Trust that you are worthy of joy and happiness. Often, when we feel particularly bad, joy can seem like it’s a very long way from us indeed. What I’ve come to realise is that joy is always present within us; it’s our ability to tap into it and get past our mental and emotional blocks that matters. If joy seems far from your reach, consider that it may actually be closer to you than you could ever have imagined, just waiting for you to give yourself a break, learn to love yourself or let go of the past…
  • Trust the journey that you are on. You know who you are, what phase of your life you are in, and what it is that you need to do to connect with that deep well of joy that exists inside you at all times. Don’t let the demons fool you into thinking that they know you better than you know yourself!! If anything, recognise that your fears are a natural part of being human, thank them for their concern, but ultimately remind them that they don’t get to call the shots. (NB: for more on living a more full and creative life in spite of the fear that arises for all of us, read ‘Big Magic’ by Elizabeth Gilbert – you won’t regret it!)
  • All of the above will help you to relax and breathe, anchoring you in the present moment, which ultimately is all that we ever have.
  • Remember that breathing through the pain doesn’t mean accepting that this is how you will always feel. It is absolutely possible for you to accept pain and anguish, whilst dreaming of and trusting in a joyful future 🙂
  • Remember that you are ALWAYS loved. If you need a little encouragement with this one, please listen to ‘In Dreams’ by Jai-Jagdeesh. It’s a beautiful song to play just before bedtime.

As I move through my life, I am becoming increasingly aware that the only version of life that makes sense to me is a magical one, where we are all connected in a giant cosmic journey. The more magic I allow to be present in my life, the deeper my sense of trust and belonging. I’ve tried living in a mundane world-view, and it felt so far from the truth, and brought me so much pain, that I have no choice now but to dive in deep to the spiritual life I feel strongly is calling to me. If you too feel the call of the wild, please consider reading some of Martha Beck’s many wonderful books. She is one crazy lady, in the best and most wonderful way. There are days when just remembering that she exists brings me a sense of relief and belonging. I love you Martha!

Now go forth and allow yourself to begin trusting in yourself and your journey.

Much love,

Kath Xxx

 

Image courtesy of Terry Johnston via Flickr Creative Commons Attribution License

With great pain comes understanding and peace

When all is said and done, there is only love.

When all is said and done, connection and togetherness is all that really matters.

When all is said and done, what matters most about your life might have nothing to do with your external achievements or appearance.

What matters – the ONLY thing that matters – is how we feel.

Our connection to joy and inner-peace.

Our ability to sit with all of our emotions; not censoring them, but rather noticing and acknowledging them for what they are.

How we connect with the world around us and with the universe that exists within all of us is paramount to our happiness and well-being.

I’ve read and heard ideas like these for quite a few years now, but only in this moment can I say that I am finally beginning to fully understand the truth behind them. It has taken many a dark moment of fear and disconnection to finally allow my emotional blocks to begin dissolving away, giving way to a deep well of joy and peace I never knew I could experience.

I haven’t reached this point in my life in spite of the bad times, but rather because of them. They were my friend all along, and only ever wanted the best for me. My demons are my saviours, and for as long as I live, I will try to always listen to the dark moments of my life and hear what they are trying to tell me.

And for as long as I live, I will endeavour to let go of the need to control, or to always understand what a situation is about. I cannot comprehend a universe in which I am not in constant communication with some unseen, but oh so loving and friendly force. I have felt this connection from being a young woman, but I learnt to disconnect from it in favour of social norms and false ideas about what it means to be safe and loved in the world. It has been a long journey to come home to myself, and it has only just begun! I get the feeling that I have only glimpsed the very smallest portion of my potential.

I want so desperately to feel connected, and to help others do the same. I will no longer live in a world where we are all meaningless collections of atoms, because for me this no longer feels like the truth.

I occasionally come across bits of paper with scrawled notes or reminders written on them – I have an enormous collection of writing from the last few years, which has served to help guide me and remind me of what I already knew to be the truth. It’s not prize-winning stuff, but it was important at the time, and sometimes my own words reach out to me from the past and touch me in unexpected ways. This last happened just a few days ago now, and this is what I found:

Go find your joy

Go find your purpose

Go out into the world

Let it see you

And cast your eyes upon its magnificence

Don’t label yourself;

Be wild and free

Express yourself

And feel your connection to the rest of humanity

You’ve come so far

Know that nothing is outside of your reach

These were just the words I needed to read at that exact moment, so I guess I’m happy that I’ve kept all my scrappy bits of paper!

So, my lovely readers. What feels true for you? What do you ache to do or say, but daren’t because you fear ridicule, rejection or ruin?

What is it about your life that speaks to you the most, and what is missing?

Who do you most love to spend your time with, and who drains your energy and leaves you feeling hollow?

If you could trust that your life belongs to you, what would you do differently?

And if you feel a long way off from all of this very whimsical sounding self-help style material, then know that that too is OK. It’s all good, all of the time.

LOADS of love,

Kath

What made you happy yesterday might not make you happy today

Life is a journey, right? We are told this continuously throughout our lives, by friends and relatives hoping to provide some reassurance or insight. We too, have most likely bestowed this timeless phrase on our loved ones on many an occasion. But do we really know what this means in practice? Do we fully understand how to embrace the constant onward march of time, and the ever-changing circumstances we find ourselves faced with?

I can only speak for myself when I say that I have not yet mastered this skill. I understand the theory behind the journey of life, and letting go of the idea that I was ever in control. I’m certainly much better at accepting the light and dark that enters our lives, and recognising that maybe, just maybe, the lights have gone out so that we may discover something new about ourselves. But change I find tricky, and my skill-set in dealing with life often falls short when it comes to uncertainty and periods of transition. And there definitely is a skill-set involved, without which it’s logical that we may falter and struggle against reality.

There was a lot of change for me growing up, but this doesn’t mean that I know how to handle it. In fact, I’d say I’m less well-equipped than someone who has had a relatively stable upbringing, because our goal as a family was to run away from the problems, and wherever possible, pretend that they didn’t exist. This is perfectly understandable, given that my parents didn’t have the know-how to help us deal with what was going on. That’s not to say that they didn’t do lots of lovely things to soothe and comfort us, or that they didn’t desperately want for us to be happy and well-adjusted. Their love and adoration is not in question here. I think perhaps one of the difficulties with a highly changeable upbringing is that you find yourself always looking for something permanent; something solid to hold onto in a seemingly unfriendly world. But by doing this, you overlook the importance of letting go and of going with the flow of life. And there most definitely is a flow to life, isn’t there? We’ve all experienced that delicious feeling of being on the right path, or of just knowing somehow that life is supporting you in your endeavours.

Note: it’s been important for me to realise that life is always supporting me, even when it feels as though everything is falling apart.

One of my biggest frustrations in life is that what made me happy yesterday might not make me happy today. I can be sailing along, having a perfectly wonderful week, then suddenly everything looks very different. “But wait! I was happy and content before – what’s happened to change how I feel? Why can’t I find that feeling again by doing the same things as before?” It’s a very disheartening experience, and one that can make you feel very powerless and out of control if you let it. The only answer I have come up with so far is to let go and let happiness reveal itself to you in its own time. As tempting as it is to keep looking in the same places, perhaps you need to take a big step back and view life from a different perspective? The truth is that life may look the same as it did yesterday or last year, but we are never the same person, from one day to the next. We are older, wiser, and hopefully have a little more clarity about how we wish to spend our time on this planet. Perhaps the previous year was spent making important discoveries about yourself and/or your relationships, but now the time has come to utilise that knowledge and express more of yourself to the world? Continuing to delve into your inner-psyche might not have the same impact as before because, well, you’re in a different phase of your life, and the nature of life’s journey requires that you move on from where you were before.

This is tough, and often requires patience, support from others, and at times, huge leaps of faith that will leave you wondering what on earth just happened. These are the moments in life where we must gather as much courage as possible, and maybe take things a little less seriously. I know how serious and dark life can feel at times, as I’m sure you do. But survivors of serious illness and near-death experiences will tell you how liberating it is to live for the moment and enjoy each day for what it is, instead of getting so bogged down in worry and negativity.

And let’s not forget that we are all connected in this journey of life. We cannot do this alone, and will never have to, no matter how alone we may feel at times. Being strong and independent doesn’t mean not needing anyone else for support and guidance, and in fact it is a sign of maturity to be able to reach out to others, and recognise when we don’t have the know-how to keep moving in the right direction. Life will keep moving; it’s how we handle it that counts.

Much love,

Kath

 

p.s. I always want to apologise at the end of my blog posts: “Sorry it was so wordy and long, or that it didn’t sound intelligent enough or have enough content”. Well today I will not apologise. If you didn’t like what you read, I salute you for having your own ideas and preferences. If you did like it, well how very exciting!

Image courtesy of WILL POWER via Flickr Creative Commons Attribution License