Please don’t judge me – you know nothing of what I’ve been through.
You may think you know, just as I may think that I understand you.
But how can we? How can we really understand what it’s like to walk in each other’s shoes?
I see the way you look at me – constantly assessing my character.
You’ve been doing it since the day we first met, and even now, after all these years, you can’t seem to just let me be.
I know you love me, as I love you.
I try not to judge you, and to let you be. But I do judge your judgement of me.
I have felt judged my whole life, and the last thing I need is to feel that I am under your scrutiny.
You don’t mean to, I know, but I always feel so belittled, so inferior under your watchful gaze.
You can’t know that this is the story of my life – feeling that I’m constantly falling short.
Never fitting in
How could you know? You have never asked, and I have never told you.
In any case, I know how you’d react.
You’d be full of judgements and opinions on that too:
“Oh there’s no point holding onto the past! You’ve got to let these things go like I have”
“You’re too much of a worrier, that’s your problem”
“Stop procrastinating and live for the moment! Enjoy life – it’s wonderful!”
But I see how much the past troubles you
You mention it all the time
You protest too loudly for me to believe you when you say that you have moved on
And as for my worrying… well, there was plenty to worry about growing up, and no one who could really help me to get a handle on life; to manage my emotions and feel safe in the world.
Under these circumstances, most people would become prone to anxiety and worry.
So don’t judge me or make me feel that I’ve somehow got it all wrong. I’ve judged and chastised myself enough over the years.
What I need now is love and acceptance
To feel deep down inside my bones that I belong and that I am connected to the world around me
Your judgements do not serve me, but your love means the world.