Category Archives: love

You are worthy of love

You are more than worthy of love, my dear.

Of this you can be certain

It’s time to allow the light to seep through

To those dark spaces you have been residing in

The dark prisons of your mind are of your own making, my love.

And the world is waiting for you to set yourself free

You cannot complete the journey alone

But your friends and family wish for you to receive their loving embrace

And to witness their affection seep through to your very bones

You have believed yourself to be unworthy for so long

And so the journey home to the truth may take longer than you desire

The pain you experience may sometimes seem unbearable

Please keep walking onward, one tiny step at a time.

And with each new day, awaken to the knowledge that you are lovable.

The sun and stars shine for you, my dear one.

And the beauty you see in the world is a reflection of your own majesty

Be one with the universe

Surrender your fears to the darkness

Leave them there, and take my hand.

Walking gently into the light

Why I love you

Hello my darling. I just wanted to stop by and take the time to let you know why I love you so. You see, you mean so very much to me. There’s no one else like you – you’re one of a kind! When the universe created you, it made something wonderful. You have so much to offer, just by being uniquely you, and letting it all hang out (metaphorically speaking, of course!). Your ideas may not be completely original all of the time, but your way of expressing them… Well, my love, that is all you. You light up the room just by being your true self, and when you don’t feel like shining your light, your presence is still wonderful to behold. I see that you are not perfect. None of us are! And who wants to be perfect anyway? I don’t love you for the things that you get right. I love you because you are you. And you – YOU – are amazing to me. Please continue to be yourself in every possible way, and know how very much you are appreciated, each and every day. Tonight, rest peacefully in the embrace of my love.

Loving me, loving you

Loving me is the greatest gift I could ever give to myself. Without self-love, the world will always look bleak and unfriendly. Without self-love, the love of others will never be enough, and my heart will continue to scream out for more. Without self-love, I will not experience the fullness of my being, and feel what it is to be fully alive and at home in the world.

How is it, I wonder, that human beings struggle so very much with self-love? Is it limited to the Western world? I suspect not, although our focus on image and financial success surely can’t be much of a help when it comes to feeling good about ourselves. Self-love is so fundamental to our happiness, and yet there are very few signposts or tools to help us navigate this important life skill. Except of course for our emotional guidance, which is always pointing our way home to our own hearts. But by the time we realise the importance of this emotional guidance system (which is like a sort of internal sat-nav for the soul), we have often strayed far from where we want to be.

We wait and wait for someone else to come along and love us in the way that we wish, and deserve, to be loved, until one day we realise that the love we crave can only come from one person – us.

I want my own love and acceptance more than anything else in the world.

I want the best relationship I have to be that with myself.

And this means loving everything, not just the bits that look acceptable or worthy to others. If we leave any parts of ourselves behind, they will follow us around, feeling lost and alone, until we have the courage to look them in the eyes and say: “I love you”.

I love you me. I love you me. I love you me. Thank you for being here, me, and for coming with me on this journey of self-love and acceptance. I love you. (If you’d like more guidance and encouragement with the journey of self-love, consider reading Tara Love Perry’s book ‘I love you me’. Tara also has a website and a YouTube channel, if you wish to learn more about her work).

One of the hardest things for me to get my head around on the journey of self-love is the idea of what love really is, and whether there is enough of it in the world to go around! I know this sounds strange, but I think all too often we believe that love is ‘out there’ somewhere, in the hands of others who can choose whether or not to give us what we want and need. But of course, love is something we all experience. Love isn’t an intellectual concept – it is a feeling, and something that lives inside all of us. That rush of love we get when we stroke our pets, hold hands with a loved one, or look into the eyes of someone dear to us, is ours. The experience of love is something that exists inside of our own hearts, and there is no limit to how much of it we can feel, if only we allow ourselves. A good question to ask is: what barriers do I have to experiencing love in my life? Or – what beliefs am I holding onto which prevent me from fully opening my heart?

Something else to consider, if you are spiritually inclined, is that we are in fact all deeply loved and cherished, always. Furthermore, we are all one with this source of love. To me this just makes good sense, since we cannot surely feel loving towards ourselves if we believe ourselves to be separate from the very source of love we wish to experience. Make sense?

Self-love isn’t easy for those of us who aren’t accustomed to it, or simply don’t know how. In which case, a good place to start is to love the part of you that doesn’t know how! Start wherever you are, not where you wish to be. (For more on loving whatever arises, see the many wonderful videos spiritual speaker and writer Matt Kahn has posted on his YouTube channel).

Go forth and love your ‘me’.

Much love,

Kath Xxx

Learning to trust what arises

Let’s be honest, if we had the choice, we’d all want to be happy most, if not all of the time; we’re only human after all. In reality, life is a little trickier than that.

The trouble with feeling low, sad or anxious is that they don’t feel like very friendly emotions! They feel, if anything, like some form of punishment for something we’ve done wrong. We judge the emotion, and we judge ourselves for feeling it, which in turn only makes us feel worse.

I’ve read before about diving into every moment in life, trusting that it is our friend and not our foe. Spiritual writers seem particularly keen for us to ‘trust what arises’, no matter how bad we may feel at times. If I happen to be in a difficult place when I come across these messages, my reaction is usually not a positive one!! “If only they knew how bad I feel and how hard I’ve been trying to stop feeling this way, they wouldn’t be encouraging me to dive in deep and accept what is!”

My go-to response to feeling a difficult emotion is often to look for the escape button, in whatever form that may take. Now please don’t misunderstand me here – I’m not in the least suggesting that you stop yourself from looking for support, guidance or comfort in your moments of darkness. I don’t know about you, but I’m becoming increasingly aware of the fact that I’m not in this life alone, and whereas I absolutely must take responsibility for my own emotions, that does not mean that I have to do it alone. In fact, seeking support and guidance isn’t hitting the escape button – it’s a way of making what you’re feeling manageable and ensuring that you feel heard, understand and held. This is ALL GOOD and extremely important. Hitting the escape button, on the other hand, may include something that will temporarily numb the pain, but in the process prevent you from really experiencing what it is that is wanting to be seen. Think along the lines of a glass or two of wine, asking for reassurance instead of trusting that you can handle whatever life throws your way, or reaching out to someone you know gives you that rush of acceptance and approval, when what you really need is to accept and approve of yourself.

As I write this, I’m aware of how very hard it is to dive into the negative emotions that arise, and how much I still find myself wanting to fast-track my way to the good side of life. In fact, I’m writing this as an important reminder to myself, because it takes courage to sit with the ‘bad’ and trust that the ‘good’ will return. This stuff is hard guys! Like, super hard and gritty and painful and messy… It sucks, and I know it sucks, so please don’t think that I’m of the impression that any of this is easy.

It seems to me that there are a few key things to remember when it comes to navigating the darker side of life, and most of them have to do with trust… So get ready to learn how to trust, let go and allow life to unfold. It may seem scary, but it’s actually extremely empowering, and will help you to feel more connected with yourself and your fellow human beings. (Remember: no matter how alone you may feel, we are all in this together, and you are connected with every other living thing on the planet. The less ‘true’ this feels, the more you have to trust that it is).

  • Your life is not meaningless and random – it is VERY meaningful and everything is always exactly as it should be.
  • In every moment there are opportunities to trust more, let go of the need to control, and allow things to just ‘be’, knowing that life is always cheering you on and encouraging you to reach for joy.
  • Trust that you are worthy of joy and happiness. Often, when we feel particularly bad, joy can seem like it’s a very long way from us indeed. What I’ve come to realise is that joy is always present within us; it’s our ability to tap into it and get past our mental and emotional blocks that matters. If joy seems far from your reach, consider that it may actually be closer to you than you could ever have imagined, just waiting for you to give yourself a break, learn to love yourself or let go of the past…
  • Trust the journey that you are on. You know who you are, what phase of your life you are in, and what it is that you need to do to connect with that deep well of joy that exists inside you at all times. Don’t let the demons fool you into thinking that they know you better than you know yourself!! If anything, recognise that your fears are a natural part of being human, thank them for their concern, but ultimately remind them that they don’t get to call the shots. (NB: for more on living a more full and creative life in spite of the fear that arises for all of us, read ‘Big Magic’ by Elizabeth Gilbert – you won’t regret it!)
  • All of the above will help you to relax and breathe, anchoring you in the present moment, which ultimately is all that we ever have.
  • Remember that breathing through the pain doesn’t mean accepting that this is how you will always feel. It is absolutely possible for you to accept pain and anguish, whilst dreaming of and trusting in a joyful future 🙂
  • Remember that you are ALWAYS loved. If you need a little encouragement with this one, please listen to ‘In Dreams’ by Jai-Jagdeesh. It’s a beautiful song to play just before bedtime.

As I move through my life, I am becoming increasingly aware that the only version of life that makes sense to me is a magical one, where we are all connected in a giant cosmic journey. The more magic I allow to be present in my life, the deeper my sense of trust and belonging. I’ve tried living in a mundane world-view, and it felt so far from the truth, and brought me so much pain, that I have no choice now but to dive in deep to the spiritual life I feel strongly is calling to me. If you too feel the call of the wild, please consider reading some of Martha Beck’s many wonderful books. She is one crazy lady, in the best and most wonderful way. There are days when just remembering that she exists brings me a sense of relief and belonging. I love you Martha!

Now go forth and allow yourself to begin trusting in yourself and your journey.

Much love,

Kath Xxx

 

Image courtesy of Terry Johnston via Flickr Creative Commons Attribution License

With great pain comes understanding and peace

When all is said and done, there is only love.

When all is said and done, connection and togetherness is all that really matters.

When all is said and done, what matters most about your life might have nothing to do with your external achievements or appearance.

What matters – the ONLY thing that matters – is how we feel.

Our connection to joy and inner-peace.

Our ability to sit with all of our emotions; not censoring them, but rather noticing and acknowledging them for what they are.

How we connect with the world around us and with the universe that exists within all of us is paramount to our happiness and well-being.

I’ve read and heard ideas like these for quite a few years now, but only in this moment can I say that I am finally beginning to fully understand the truth behind them. It has taken many a dark moment of fear and disconnection to finally allow my emotional blocks to begin dissolving away, giving way to a deep well of joy and peace I never knew I could experience.

I haven’t reached this point in my life in spite of the bad times, but rather because of them. They were my friend all along, and only ever wanted the best for me. My demons are my saviours, and for as long as I live, I will try to always listen to the dark moments of my life and hear what they are trying to tell me.

And for as long as I live, I will endeavour to let go of the need to control, or to always understand what a situation is about. I cannot comprehend a universe in which I am not in constant communication with some unseen, but oh so loving and friendly force. I have felt this connection from being a young woman, but I learnt to disconnect from it in favour of social norms and false ideas about what it means to be safe and loved in the world. It has been a long journey to come home to myself, and it has only just begun! I get the feeling that I have only glimpsed the very smallest portion of my potential.

I want so desperately to feel connected, and to help others do the same. I will no longer live in a world where we are all meaningless collections of atoms, because for me this no longer feels like the truth.

I occasionally come across bits of paper with scrawled notes or reminders written on them – I have an enormous collection of writing from the last few years, which has served to help guide me and remind me of what I already knew to be the truth. It’s not prize-winning stuff, but it was important at the time, and sometimes my own words reach out to me from the past and touch me in unexpected ways. This last happened just a few days ago now, and this is what I found:

Go find your joy

Go find your purpose

Go out into the world

Let it see you

And cast your eyes upon its magnificence

Don’t label yourself;

Be wild and free

Express yourself

And feel your connection to the rest of humanity

You’ve come so far

Know that nothing is outside of your reach

These were just the words I needed to read at that exact moment, so I guess I’m happy that I’ve kept all my scrappy bits of paper!

So, my lovely readers. What feels true for you? What do you ache to do or say, but daren’t because you fear ridicule, rejection or ruin?

What is it about your life that speaks to you the most, and what is missing?

Who do you most love to spend your time with, and who drains your energy and leaves you feeling hollow?

If you could trust that your life belongs to you, what would you do differently?

And if you feel a long way off from all of this very whimsical sounding self-help style material, then know that that too is OK. It’s all good, all of the time.

LOADS of love,

Kath

Shadows and stars

There are so many hidden parts of me, just waiting to get out. I see now, after so many years of anxiety and sadness, that I have been living in the shadows, unaware of what was waiting for me in the light. Like a long dark tunnel, it is necessary to keep moving forwards in order to reach the light. It’s terrifying – truly terrifying. But oh… once you’ve glimpsed the light which lies beyond that dark and confined space, you will know in your heart that there is no turning back.

It’s a strange thing to awaken to your true self. The truth of who I am has always been there, but I have been so very oblivious to it I can hardly believe it. I have been afraid, but I see now that I am brave – courageous beyond my wildest dreams. Where once I felt ashamed, I am beginning to feel a joy in letting it all hang-out. This is me, and there won’t ever be another one of me. Similar, yes. Kindred spirits – definitely. But an exact copy? Nope. I am a part of the universe that has never existed before, and will never exist again. And the same is true for you, whoever you are. A friend of mine called me a ‘star’ the other day, and I liked how it reminded me that I am a part of a much bigger picture. As Gill Edwards put it: “We are all pieces in a giant cosmic jigsaw” (I’m paraphrasing as I don’t remember the exact quote). Needless to say that when I first encountered this quote in Gill’s writings, I felt a sense of belonging and of family that I have spent my life searching for.

I realise that this post makes it sound like I’m close to having all the answers, which is far from the truth. I believe I have a lot more to learn about myself, and I hope many more adventures to go on. But for the first time in my 35 years on this planet, the longing to be my true self is greater than any anxiety about what people may think of me.

So much life to be lived. So many parts of myself to explore and express. So many lovely people to connect and share experiences with.

I still have days where I struggle to feel connected to myself and others, but I know now to let these days pass me by, trusting that they will give way to something more joyful and more true. My disconnected state isn’t my true self, but rather a state of being that masks my true self. This is different to the concept of light and dark existing alongside one another; there will always be good and bad times in our lives, just like the sky can’t always be filled with sunshine. But our true selves remain constant, even if they are hidden away, and even if it’s grey outside and everything in our lives seems to be falling to pieces.

So, I put this to you, my lovely readers. You are a star, shining brightly in an ever-unfolding universe. You are part of something wonderful, but you yourself are wonderful, just as you are. So make like those cheesy slogans we see all over mugs and tote bags, and shine bright for all the world to see.

And one last thing: if you’re only just entering the dark tunnel of your life, be kind and patient with yourself. Keep moving forwards, bit by bit, and when you least expect it, a small amount of light will begin to appear at the other side. Whatever you do, don’t look back.

Love,

Kath

Don’t judge me, I’m only human.

Please don’t judge me – you know nothing of what I’ve been through.

You may think you know, just as I may think that I understand you.

But how can we? How can we really understand what it’s like to walk in each other’s shoes?

I see the way you look at me – constantly assessing my character.

You’ve been doing it since the day we first met, and even now, after all these years, you can’t seem to just let me be.

I know you love me, as I love you.

I try not to judge you, and to let you be. But I do judge your judgement of me.

I have felt judged my whole life, and the last thing I need is to feel that I am under your scrutiny.

You don’t mean to, I know, but I always feel so belittled, so inferior under your watchful gaze.

You can’t know that this is the story of my life – feeling that I’m constantly falling short.

Never belonging

Never fitting in

How could you know? You have never asked, and I have never told you.

In any case, I know how you’d react.

You’d be full of judgements and opinions on that too:

“Oh there’s no point holding onto the past! You’ve got to let these things go like I have”

“You’re too much of a worrier, that’s your problem”

“Stop procrastinating and live for the moment! Enjoy life – it’s wonderful!”

But I see how much the past troubles you

You mention it all the time

You protest too loudly for me to believe you when you say that you have moved on

And as for my worrying… well, there was plenty to worry about growing up, and no one who could really help me to get a handle on life; to manage my emotions and feel safe in the world.

Under these circumstances, most people would become prone to anxiety and worry.

So don’t judge me or make me feel that I’ve somehow got it all wrong. I’ve judged and chastised myself enough over the years.

What I need now is love and acceptance

To feel deep down inside my bones that I belong and that I am connected to the world around me

Your judgements do not serve me, but your love means the world.

 

Image courtesy of Johnny Lai via Flickr Creative Commons Attribution licence

Is it any wonder?

Is it any wonder that I failed to speak my truth growing up?

So much to say, but no one to hear me – including myself.

I learnt to be silent

I learnt to value the opinions of others above my own

I never learnt how to be an ‘I’

No sense of self

No space to freely explore and express who I am

And oh so much fear

Insecurity reigned, like an evil queen.

Always too scared to discover what’s on the inside

Too frightened to let anyone in

Have I ever truly let someone in?

And felt that true connection with someone I love?

There have definitely been moments: tiny sparks that burned bright but fizzled out all too soon.

But that inner-wiring exists nonetheless

I am hardwired for connection; we all are.

But first I must connect with myself, daring to lift the lid and see what’s inside.

I’m sure that what I see won’t all be good or perfect

But who wants to be good and perfect anyway?!

I will see – have seen – kindness, that’s for sure.

Oh yes, there is a giant heart beating inside my chest.

A heart that so desperately wants to reach out and touch the hearts of others

But first I must heal my relationship with my self

Then I will have much to share with the world

Then I will feel peace and joy

Then I will know that I have found my way home

 

Image courtesy of Ghost of Kuji via Flickr Creative Commons Attribution Licence

To feel loved, first love yourself.

If you drop something on the floor, I will pick it up for you.

If you need a shoulder to cry on, I will offer you two.

If you just don’t understand, I will provide as many answers as I can.

If you are sad and lonely, I will hold your hand until you feel strong again.

Whatever you need, I will do everything I can to be there for you.

I do this with an open heart and a true desire to see you through the difficult and dark times in life.

You are stronger than you know.

You’ve got this, but know that I’ve got you too.

But if you think I’m a kind person, you should hear how I talk to myself…

I berate myself at every opportunity, and call myself names like ‘lazy good for nothing’ and ‘ugly cow’.

I do not like myself, and do not care for my own needs.

I think people are wonderful, but I am the one exception to this rule.

I don’t know how to comfort myself, having never bothered to learn.

I have failed myself and my family, by simply not being good enough.

So why should I be nice to myself?

Why waste my time on me, when I could be watching out for you?

The trouble is…

I realise, after much suffering and heartache, that I don’t really know how to let love in.

I tend to your needs because it makes me feel lovable, but I never let your praise or affection sink through to where it matters.

Like trying to swim upstream, I fail to make progress on my journey towards love and acceptance.

I have come to the devastating realisation that this love and acceptance can only come from one place: me.

If I can’t love myself, how can I expect to trust that others love me too?

If I can’t trust myself, how can I expect to trust that others love me too?

I want to love myself.

I’d love to love myself.

But I don’t really want to see all of me.

The imperfect parts.

The shadow that follows me around wherever I go.

I only ever wanted to see a perfect light shining within me.

I see now that this light does indeed shine bright, but to reach it I must first delve into the darkness.

Remove the mask I’ve been wearing my entire life, and truly look myself in the eye.

You may already know from experience that this process does not feel good.

It is not a place I wish to stay in for any longer than is necessary.

But I see now that it is necessary.

Because I do want to love myself, and to see the light not only in others, but inside of myself.

 

Image courtesy of Thad Zajdowicz via Flickr Creative Commons: https://tinyurl.com/yywhtyq7

The Woodland Den

Have you heard of the Woodland Den? No? Let me tell you about it then, for it is my greatest wish that as many people as possible may know of and benefit from this magical place… I first stumbled upon the den as a young girl, and since then have visited almost every day. It is my home, my sanctuary and my friend. I love this place dearly, but it is now time that I shared it with others.

The path that leads to the den is narrow and winding, and trees line the way up the hill and away from the village. This woodland is the most beautiful I have ever seen, with many different varieties of trees and other plant life. No matter the weather, the woods always feel peaceful and safe. In the autumn and winter months, the smell of wood smoke penetrates the landscape, reminding me of warm cosy evenings in front of the fire, perhaps with a steaming mug of hot chocolate and a gingerbread man. In truth, I have never lived in a house with an open fire, but this is a place of imagination and dreams, and anything is possible. When you are almost at the den, the path becomes very steep indeed, and suddenly you find that you are at the top of a hill, looking into a clearing in the trees and foliage. The clearing is round, and the entrance is marked by a large boulder which bears the words ‘Woodland Den’. This is it – you have arrived! And what a treat you are in store for…

As you enter the den, you notice that the atmosphere becomes still and serene, no matter how bad the weather rages outside, or down below in the village. Dried leaves line the floor like a crunchy, autumnal carpet, and fairly lights hang from the trees at the edges of the clearing. An outdoor wood burning stove is already lit, so if you arrive at the den feeling a little cold, please go ahead and warm yourself in front of the fire.

After some time, you will most likely begin to notice that there are many animals on the perimeter of the den, looking in on you with curiosity. Rather than feeling that you have intruded on their space, you feel a deep sense of belonging, and you know instinctively that you are very welcome here. This place belongs to you, and you to it. You are one and the same, and the feeling of safety you experience in this magical place is like nothing you’ve experienced before.

I can see you standing there, my friend, smiling, breathing in the crisp, woody air, and noticing the sounds of the woodland all around you. My first visit to this place was such a wonderful surprise: I will never forget the sensation of being completely held, and completely safe. In this place, I need be nothing more than I already am, and there is nothing at all to do other than what feels most joyful and comforting. This place exists inside of me, but it is as real as you and I. I can visit it at any time, and experience a calm serenity that day-to-day life often leads me to forget.

Now that I have introduced you to the Woodland Den, I would like to encourage you to visit as often as you like, and experience its ambience like a loving embrace. Although, I have to say that seeing you standing there in the den has made me wonder… What if it doesn’t quite suit your needs? Perhaps I have omitted something that you would find reassuring or entertaining in some way? I’m afraid there is no television, and now I’m beginning to wonder if this might be something you would enjoy. Do you enjoy to curl up in front of a good film with a hot drink and a close friend? If you’re going to bring guests, I suppose I really ought to furnish the place accordingly, with a sofa and some blankets. Oh dear, I appear not to have thought this through at all. Unless… unless you would like to make some alterations? Believe me when I say that the sky is the limit. All you need do is imagine what you desire, and poof! It will appear in front of you – or behind you, depending on your preferred layout. Feel free to sweep away the leaves and add a plush carpet for added warmth and luxuriousness, but be warned that the creatures that live in the woods may come to join you if you make it very cosy and comfortable. The foxes and badgers in particular have been known to visit me when I’ve snuggled up under a large blanket.

So my friend, I think I have told you all I need to about the Woodland Den. I hope that with time, it reminds you of something you already know: we are all worthy of joy and love, and there is always a place inside of us where we can experience safety and serenity.

 

 

Image courtesy of Richard Walker via Flickr Creative Commons Attribution License